Kim Johnson hosts our reflections for October, inviting us to write on Compassion.
Live in the layers, not on the litter.
I am captivated by this line above– from Stanley Kunitz’ The Layers, a poem about aging and loss.
There are so many layers in loss. Anger. Sadness. Hurt. Anxiety. Hope.
And we carry all of them with us.
My father died in April after a short illness. He was 92. He lived a life filled with blessings. But still, there is grief and loss. Especially for my mom – the love of his life for 70 years. And for me and my siblings.
Compassion literally is: to suffer together. It has been six months of caregiving – caring for our mom, for one another, and for ourselves. Each of us carries this loss differently. And, as close as we are, tensions from our growing-up years surface. Sprinkle in current life stresses –jobs, kids, health; and with the foreboding anxieties of world events, it adds up.
I guess, being human means acknowledging and accepting the complexity of emotions that accompany grief and loss. And just doing that allows me to step over and around the litter; to let go of the slings, the disappointments, the frustrations –and see the layers. It is both an act of compassion for others and for self. A reminder: We do our best.
Kunitz ends his poem: I am not done with my changes.
Me neither.
Patricia Franz writes picture books and poetry. She believes children, dogs, and sourdough have a lot to teach us about life, joy, and wonder. She has raised two boys, four dogs, and holds a master’s degree in Theology with a focus on children’s spirituality. Patricia, her husband, her Bernese Mountain dog, Bonny, and her sourdough starter split their time between the Arizona desert and the Sierra Nevada mountains. 
Patricia, what I did not know about grief before the 2024 loss of both of my 96-year-old parents now fills my journals.
I paused here when reading “The Layers”.
“Yet I turn, I turn,
exulting somewhat,
with my will intact to go
wherever I need to go,
and every stone on the road
precious to me.”
There is truth in poetry. Here’s to paying attention to all that is precious.
Beautiful reflection, Patti ❤️
Me neither Patti!
Patricia, we all go through those layers of grief when we suffer a loss. How we react in each of those Layers is different for everyone. There is no timeline for grief. I believe that like learning, changing is also ongoing. If we stop, we become stagnant. Bob