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Back in August, Jan (of Bookseedstudio fame) and I fell all over ourselves trading punny remarks over her wildly wonderful review of Jane Burn’s POEMS ABOUT FOOD. Next thing I know, we committed to a kitchen-calamity poem prompt for one another.
This one’s for you, Jan!
Appliance Aversion
Patricia Franz writes picture books and poetry. She believes children, dogs, and sourdough have a lot to teach us about life, joy, and wonder. She has raised two boys, four dogs, and holds a master’s degree in Theology with a focus on children’s spirituality. Patricia, her husband, her Bernese Mountain dog, Bonny, and her sourdough starter split their time between the Arizona desert and the Sierra Nevada mountains. 
Oh my gosh – I LOVE this! I woke this morning thinking that maybe I needed to get a teeny tiny microwave for my dtr in law that I could just tuck away for when “the kids” visit, but just don’t want one. Instant pot came and went quickly. Love my mom’s and additional vintage Farberware and Revere stainless pots from my youth, smells and stirs of cooking and bubbling. Thank you, thank you for this wonderful, fun, poetic reminder, Patricia!
Brilliant, Patricia!
“Appliance Aversion” brings a smile & more imporant, such vivid images of you in your kitchen.
And, unbeknownst to me, is this serendipity of finding out that we are near-twins on minimizing electric appliances. Although my hubby & daughter are the bread-baking ones, our bread time when it happens, at holidays, is managed like you, with strong arms.
Lifting my mint sage tea morning cuppa, to you!
Jan/Bookseedstudio
Love your poem — even though I myself am only semi-averse to appliances. I like the convenience of some, if only they didn’t take up so much space. Wouldn’t want to bake without my KitchenAid, can’t make pot roast without my slow cooker, and my microwave is in constant use. Thanks for the smile this week!
So clever, Patricia, and I especially like your rhyme. Thanks for the chuckle. Your poem reminded me of the instant pot I had to have before realizing it was easier just to cook the chicken the way I always did (faster, too.) It’s in the basement now. But I do love my slow cooker.
Fantastic rhymes, Patricia! I loved “Obama arms!” I definitely have several appliances that I rarely use. It does seem so much faster to just chop something by hand. Even though your poem is probably tongue in cheek, I identify with it strongly. Very clever writing!!
Your rhyming feels like a shout-out, would be very fun to ‘shout’ aloud, Patricia! I have some appliances but rely a lot on a cast iron skillet from a grandma. I did try an air fryer, now lives at my daughter’s who’s a marvel at it! I love that you included about space, too, my problem! And love “(I wield a whisk with some smarm).” Exactly!
This is soooo funny! I love it! So great! I have become an air fryer evangelist though. Haven’t used my oven since I bought the air fryer. It cooks everything in half the time. 🙂 But one begs the question–how do you make pesto without a food processor? That’s the only thing I use mine for.
Hahaha – love this, and the mutual banter cooked up with our ever-amazing Jan.
“that latte and frappe and mocha their beans” and “sourdough martyr” are my favorites! :0)
Love this! Funny & true!
Rings true! Such fun to read 😊
Patricia, hooray! This is so very fun. I must admit, I am a bit opposite of you and Jan in the appliance accumulation department. I try, really I do, but my husband may be worse than me. I love the strength that comes from not relying on appliances, and this stanza really made me smile:
Ninjas also lack charm.
Want sculpted Obama arms?
Who needs a trainer?
Food prep’s a no-brainer!
(I wield a whisk with some smarm).
This might qualify as a rant poem, Patricia, but I understand where you are coming from. Our houses are not only crammed with these items they are also significantly louder due to their presence. I must confess to owning a wine fridge. It has been relegated to the garage. Many of these devices end up being stored away and forgotten. Your poem serves as a reminder that modern life does comes with too many appliances! You took us through an extensive listing of items we are told we cannot live without. Pleased to announce, I do not possess ALL of them…
Well done, well done! I especially liked the coffee stanza–“Newsflash: pour-overs
are NOT new,”! Now that I’m the only coffee drinker left in the house, I wondered about ways to more efficiently prep my two cups each morning. Fell in love with the MOKA percolator idea at a friend’s and then discovered that they’re mostly aluminum and don’t work on my induction range! Back to the plain old drip Mr. Coffee. And I do now swear by my mandoline.
Haha–this is great, Patricia. I LOVE my crock-pot. Hate to cook and love things I can just pop in there and leave for the day. And my blender for fruit smoothies. But that’s about it. Like so many things in life, the latest appliances always sound better than they are. I bought and subsequently gave away an instapot several years ago. So many connections to your poem today!
ha ha, hear! hear! and amen.
So funny, Patricia! I love it! I laughed out loud at “Newsflash: pour-overs are NOT new” … yup, I was doing the Melitta thing 30 years ago. 😀 Thanks so much for the laughter. ❤️
So funny!!! 🙂
How funny! You’ve got to find a place to publish this, Patricia! I love it! This line, especially -“I wield a whisk with some smarm.” Thanks for sharing some humor this week!