deeply: one little word
©draft, Patricia J. Franz
i.
longing for deep
words that bite, bore
like an auger in search of bottom
gut punch, stomach contracts
curl of shoulder, torso collapse
frozen throat, breath trapped
lone moan escapes
the soul staggers away at death
iii.
to be alone
gazing at a word
like an art lover in a gallery
awash in vowels
tasting phonetics
touching the contour of a comma
to make sense
listening for the echo
in the spaces of a phrase
indulging a passive-aggressive
line break
ii.
longing to sit
still, in shock
words enter ears
take residence in empty space
circling slowly, slowly
a marble hugging the steep contour of my brain
descending to settle into my heart
then might I remember it
without a photo or google search
iv.
longing for stillness
savor a morning dark
under quilt, no glow of phone
hot coffee sits, bitter
between tongue and cheek
swallow before the burn
coat my throat, steep in my belly
no to-do list
mindful of sacred space
this moment
a poem conceived
So, who knew I would find spiritual reflection in OLW?
There goes the God-of-Surprises.
Between COVID and losing my brother-in-law to glioblastoma, the past couple of years has seen my Catholic faith practice crumple. My theological underpinnings are Ignatian. Years of spiritual direction, scripture study, and prayer point to desolation as probable cause — feeling like God is not present.
I’m too much of a believer to believe God is not present. I’m the first person who would say this is my fault, not God’s. In my spiritual shorthand, God is right there, walking beside me, and waiting for me to look up.
And lately, I’m sensing signs of a sort – internal stirrings – that tell me to pay attention.
One of these stirrings was stumbling upon Spiritual Thursdays, on one of Margaret’s Poetry Friday posts last month. Hmm… When I checked out the link, I made the quick decision to jump in. I signed up to host… in September. I figured it would give me plenty of time to read, observe, figure out what, if anything, I might contribute.
Then, 2022 wound down and I anticipated the call for one little words. I’ve never been a partaker in the past. I lean toward verbosity; how am I supposed to narrow down my intentions for the coming year to one word??
But I am nothing if not driven by goals and accountability. The best way accomplish something is to name it and then plot a plan.
Then, I noticed more stirring.
What I’ve missed most in my spiritual disarray is my prayer time. Time for listening and reflection. A recent Ezra Klein podcast (The Reading Mind Is a Gift) made me hyper-aware that I’ve become a skimmer, a scanner. When I took the time to think about this, I began to see the ripple effects in other areas of my life. Social media rewards the sound bite, the quick reply, the witty remark. Emojis replace words. Texts instead of phone calls. For me, reading online – by phone, kindle, laptop – has become a dash through subject headlines, skimming paragraphs, scrolling to the summary.
Somewhere this year, I realized I had no words – because I have not absorbed anything. Like water on goose down, words land but roll away. I noticed in conversations with people, I was increasingly unable to share something I learned or read about – because I couldn’t remember the details.
So, I resolved as the year ended to address this. The first thing I committed to myself is to do more reading from a physical book (Klein talks with a UCLA researcher – who I cannot name because I can’t recall that detail!!), to reduce the amount of “eye-jumping” that scrolling on a screen enables. I also am committed to only reading an article or blog post slowly and in totality. Otherwise, I won’t read it. This has forced me to unsubscribe to the ridiculous number of things that find their way into my inbox. I figure I can help myself by reducing quantity, as well as increasing the quality of my reading time.
And then, I am committed to deep response. That means, making time to absorb what I read. And this extends naturally to deep listening. Before responding, I am committed to not interrupting, waiting for not just a pause, but a signal that the other person has completed their thought.
As I settled into resolutions and goals for 2023, I summarized it for myself:
Slow down.
Listen deeply.
Respond deeply.
Be intentional.
When I opened Margaret’s post this morning, I was not thinking of OLW as a spiritual endeavor on my part. But after reading the posts, absorbing your words, I sat down to reflect and see if there was something I wanted to say. The poem at the opening of this post spilled out of me.
And while my OLW is deeply, what I saw in the poem was the word longing.
My theology antennae were up. St. Ignatius wrote extensively in his Spiritual Exercises about longings and desires. Christian theology understands longing as a yearning for wholeness, a wholeness that will be incomplete in this life and that exists only in God.
Augustine wrote:
O God, you made us for yourself and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in you.
So, who knew I would find spiritual reflection in OLW?
There goes the God-of-Surprises.
I am beyond grateful to have been introduced to Spiritual Thursday by our host, Margaret at Reflections on the Teche.
Join us!
Patricia Franz writes picture books and poetry. She believes children, dogs, and sourdough have a lot to teach us about life, joy, and wonder. She has raised two boys, four dogs, and holds a master’s degree in Theology with a focus on children’s spirituality. Patricia, her husband, her Bernese Mountain dog, Bonny, and her sourdough starter split their time between the Arizona desert and the Sierra Nevada mountains. 
Deep is a great word. It reminds that if we look deep into ourselves we can discover strength we didn’t know we had, faith to get us through hard times, and a sense of relief when we hand our problems over to God and ask for His help.
Hi Bob! I stumbled over here by way of Patricia’s post on Poetry Friday. It was nice to see your familiar screen name. I hope you are doing well.
Rose
yes, deep invites, doesn’t it. Thanks!
Melt my heart. I am so touched that you have found Spiritual Journey Thursday a place of inspiration and peace. I also wonder about all the screen reading I do (and our students do) and how that affects our ability to dig deeply. Lots to think about here.
Sigh…listen to that Ezra Klein podcast. If nothing else, it’s a reminder to use screens wisely, with intention.
Same word, same feelings, though different spiritual framework.
Wow, really? Same word? I’ll look forward to sharing more as the year unfolds.
Deeply is such a strong call–one I’ve been feeling as well. While much (not all) of what I consume/read/watch is good, there is just too much of it to respond deeply to any of it.
Exactly. And what I found is that when I do unplug and/or choose not to read something, I don’t miss it. I’m looking forward to engaging more intentionally this coming year.
Patricia- Your post touched me in so many ways. Not only your beautiful poem, but your honest reflection. Much of what you are feeling I feel too, but have not been brave enough or reflective enough to put it into words. Thank you for doing that for me. I think I will find myself returning to this post as I continue to try to find what I am looking for.
Mmm…yes – “longing” is one of those “pay attention” feelings. I’m glad this resonated, Rose.
Patricia, first of all I am delighted that you joined our SJT family. It is wonderful to read your words and to know that the word deeply will guide you and inspire us at the same time. I am deeply longing to just be this year and to use everyone of my one words as stems of the 2023 word be. Being in SJT is refreshing, enlightening, and inspirational. Your goals are worthy and dovetail nicely with mine. I still need to create a short movie (I did love your workshop session with us) and think maybe one about my one word would work. I just need time on my side to do so. I am already trying to slow down.
What a joy to find the overlap of SJT and PF!
This is so good, Patricia!
Thank you.
Patricia. I could have written this post…but you have written it for me with honest bravery. Thank you. You inspire. Thank you.
Thank you, Linda. I’m glad it resonates.
So good to get to know you on a deeper level through this post, Patricia. (I especially like your line, ‘touching the contour of a comma’. Lovely.)
It felt a bit risky to “expose” more of me in PF via SJT, but I’m grateful for your comment. It makes me feel perhaps the risk was worth it.
Deep is such a great word! It has so many meanings and I hope it will guide you through the year! I lost my sister-in-law to cancer when she was 35 and the thing I took out of that year (for me) was that God is not afraid of our questions.
Yes, I do believe God is not afraid of our anger, our doubt, our questions. Only we are.
Welcome to our SJT group. Such an interesting path you took to arrive at listen deeply and respond deeply. I think your post was a wonderful example of thinking deeply. I look forward to your future posts.
Thank you, Ramona. I think walking a path to arrive at …describes my reflection process, something I’m committed to doing more of this year.
Welcome to SJT, Patricia – and thank you for the truths you share here with regard to the surface-level mad-dashing we do on a daily basis, when our souls are longing for so much more. I am reminded of young readers who sound fluent but cannot retell what they just read because the meaning eluded them in their haste. So it is with life. During COVID, I read how a number of people acknowledged the power of slowing down (for a while, we had no choice). Your stunning poetic reflection on ‘deeply’ so conveys the value of time alone away from clamor…sacred space, yes. It is vital. An emptying so that we can be refilled. Fuel for the day, the spiritual journey, provided by God, sustenance just as necessary as the manna and quail in the wilderness. Thank you again for this offering and I pray comfort for your family in the loss of your brother-in-law. Blessings to you-
Fran, thank YOU for this considered response. It feels good to be in spiritual conversation again.
Patricia: Wonderful insights! Thank you for sharing your journey, for considering deeply and making changes. I look forward to further steps along your path. Many blessings.
Thanks, Karen. I’m super grateful to have followed the “stirring” and discovered SJTs. It feels like the monthly considerations might be good guideposts for me this year.